Where Am I? Adapting To Your “Normal”

A friend of mine who’s a business writer recently told me that he’s permanently deleted one of today’s most overused phrases from his professional writing lexicon: “the new normal.”

I get it. Since early 2020, we’ve been bombarded by disruptive forces at a magnitude never felt before in our lifetimes—a global health crisis, civil unrest, overt racism, combative politicians, the dismantling of trusted institutions, and more. It seems like we’re being asked to accept chaos as normal.

With all that noise in the foreground of our lives, many of us have spent so much time and energy trying to manage problems beyond our control, that we’ve left ourselves potentially vulnerable to being blindsided by unexpected events that arise out of the “old normal.”

And that’s exactly what happened to me. In the past couple of months, life has come at me full force in what has felt like very personal ways. Not necessarily all bad or earth shattering and mostly unrelated to the “new normal,” but nonetheless disruptive, disorienting, and stress inducing.

I helped pack up and accompany my youngest daughter to start her first year at a college more than 2,000 miles away. We sold our family home of 15 years and are in the midst of a major move. All the while nurturing a burgeoning business through uncertain economic times.

With so much change and turmoil arising out of the “old normal,” I’ve had to reconfigure the dynamics of relationships, rethink my purpose and role in life, and sometimes ride waves of emotion that run from pride, promise, and hope to uncertainty, anxiety, and fear.

What I’ve realized through both the unprovoked storm that rages outside, and the inevitable upheavals more personal and closer to home, is that I can use the same set of emotional intelligence and mindfulness skills to cope with life, whether in the old or the new normal.

Human beings can learn and cultivate resilience—the ability to bounce back; to recover from adversity; to navigate uncertainty, stress, and change more effectively, and to emerge more grounded, authentic, peaceful, and productive both personally and professionally.

In the midst of stress and adversity, we naturally feel threatened. Whether real or imagined, such threats affect us physically, emotionally, and cognitively. If we can start by finding focus, it gives us the space to pause and be in the moment. How do we do this? When we notice reactivity, we turn our attention to the sensation of breathing. Breath deeply, allowing the belly to expand and retract. Notice that you are in fact breathing and focus all of your attention on the sensation of breath in your body.

Once mentally and emotionally “present,” we can work on becoming more agile. Agility looks different for everyone, but almost always includes accepting a situation, broadening perspective, and de-escalating negativity by noticing the pleasant, the positive, or the possible. And like so much of what we learn about emotional intelligence and mindfulness, it gets easier with practice.

One practice that I use is asking myself, “Where am I?” not so much in a physical sense, but mentally and emotionally. The Conscious Leadership Group draws an analogy I find helpful. At any given moment, I can assess whether I am above the line or below it.

“Below the line” is a default position for human beings and uses brain parts lower on the neural axis. When I’m below the line, I feel threatened by circumstances and react defensively with fear, a closed mind, and intent on being right. It’s similar physiologically to the instinctive flight-or-flight response when our life or physical safety is being threatened.

“Above the line,” using brain parts that develop later in life and sit geographically higher in your brain, we are more curious and innovative, and better able to channel our energies more creatively and collaboratively. Above the line, we feel open, not defensive, and more capable of living and leading with empathy and compassion. We can be present more readily in the moment to solve problems or adapt to new circumstances. We become agile and resilient, able to bounce back from adversity rather than create conflict or run from it.

So, in a moment of reactivity, use the breath to pause and ask yourself, “Where am I right now?" Am I below the line and operating from fear, auto pilot, and reactivity? Or, am I above the line and operating from curiosity, openness, and kindness?

If we find ourselves below the line, how do we move above it? By accessing empathy, kindness, and compassion. A few simple practices can support this shift and help influence change. Notice a pleasant event or access gratitude. Take a moment, amidst reactivity, to notice something pleasant and there is a brain shift, literally.

Another practice is to connect on a human level. See if you can identify at a human level how you or another person is feeling. What basic needs might be going unmet? Is there a need for safety, for connection, for respect, or for love? If we can plug into human connection at a personal identity level, we create trust and influence change within ourselves and with others.

Resilience can be learned and, through practice, become the default way we adapt to deal with challenge, change, and stress. As a certified Search Inside Yourself Teacher, I’ve been teaching resilience for some time now, in both small group and corporate settings. I’ve seen first hand how it helps leaders and professionals in high-stress careers build the behaviors, mental habits, and practices that nurture personal resilience and in turn promote a culture of broader resilience within organizations. If you’d like to learn more, contact me today to bring a resilience training to your organization.

Mindfully yours,
Ashley