The Gift...
"The great science to live happily is to live in the present." —Pythagoras
In our always-on, hyper connected culture, it’s no wonder it can be challenging to live in the present moment. Our lives are filled with constant distractions and our attention is often pulled in multiple directions. For starters, data shows that the average person spends 2 hours and 24 minutes on social media each day and checks their phone 144 times a day.
And although today’s modern devices offer ample opportunity for distraction, it turns out that our minds default to wandering, even without the aid of social media and technology. In fact, Harvard University researchers Daniel Gilbert and Matthew Killingsworth discovered, after analyzing 250,000 points of data, that we spend approximately half of our waking hours with our minds wandering. That means that our thoughts are not focused on the present moment. Regardless of our physicality, our minds are often elsewhere… perhaps replaying something that’s already happened, or ruminating about something that hasn’t happened yet but might happen.
Additionally, they discovered that a wandering mind typically correlates to an unhappy mind. As our mind wanders, we activate what’s called the default mode network—a group of interconnected brain regions that are active when a person is not actively engaged in external tasks. And while a certain amount of mind wandering can have benefits—including expanded imagination and creativity—spending too much time with this brain region activated can lead to increased negativity, rumination and self-preoccupation.
So that brings us back to the present moment. Present moment attention is truly a gift that you can give to both yourself and others. When we can remain in the here and now with both our body and our mind, the science shows that we are more content. As Gilbert and Killingsworth’s study showed, “A person who is ironing a shirt and thinking about ironing a shirt is happier than a person ironing a shirt and thinking about a sunny getaway.”
My own personal experience confirms this, time and again, so allow me to share a recent example of this in action. It started with a simple text exchange with our oldest, Marley, who sent a few pictures from a recent weekend getaway in Maine with friends. One of Marley’s pictures was of a broken sand dollar with a light, fun caption attached that said, “Look, I found 75 cents!”
And, spoiler alert, I missed the lightness, the fun, the joke entirely. Why?
Because as soon as I read the text, my mind wandered to another place. Related to Marley, but something else. My thoughts jumped to: “It’s been a while since Mars and I have actually talked. How long has it been? A few weeks? We should schedule time to connect. I’ll send a few options over…” And so on…
I jumped immediately to the past and to the future. I was so unfocused on the present moment that I completely missed Marley’s intentional play, and instead sunk into negativity and what I needed to do to “correct” that. In turn, I missed the present moment invitation to simply connect.
On the other hand, my husband read this same text mindfully and thoughtfully. He paid attention fully, and shared another witty remark right back. They went back and forth for a while, playing. And then it hit me: while I was so busy judging and planning, I missed the moment to connect, laugh, and play.
A small moment, with a stinging impact. A wandering mind is an unhappy mind. A present mind is one that is content. Ahhh the gift of presence. We have one moment to embrace, and it’s called NOW. What are you missing by not paying attention to the present moment?
It’s easier said than done, of course, because as I mentioned, the mind is hard-wired to wander. And, like anything in life, practice helps. In fact, this too has been scientifically validated. Neuroplasticity tells us our brains are malleable, for the entirety of our lives. We can make certain parts of our brain stronger and more readily accessible simply by using them. So, if we want to expand our attentional control—the ability to focus and stay present—we need to practice attentional control.
How can we do this? Start small. The next time you wash the dishes, practice keeping your attention singularly focused on what it feels like to wash the dishes. The next time you take a shower, focus solely on the physical sensations—the water hitting your body, the lather of soap on your skin, the action of washing, rinsing, cleaning. The next time you read a book or an article, keep your mind entirely focused on the text, and any deeper meanings or learnings that arise.
The next time you’re having a conversation with someone, do nothing but listen as they speak. Listen to one word at a time. Pause any tendencies to think about what you’re going to say next, to assume you know what they’re going to say next, and/or to jump to agreement or disagreement. If your mind starts to wander, simply bring your attention back to the words, the person, the moment.
You can practice present moment attention in everyday activities in life. And when you do, you will find that your attentional control expands, your mind wandering can be controlled, and your contentment and happiness grows. Give it a try and let me know what you notice!
Mindfully yours,
Ashley
P.S. Here’s a short and sweet guided practice, called Moment to Arrive, to support you in building present moment awareness: