We Are What We Practice.
When I started gathering my thoughts for this blog series, which is all about developing new habits, I was chatting with a colleague about some of my ideas. We were both energized by the topic and got so engrossed in our conversation that we had a hard time waiting to let one another complete our sentences.
Almost simultaneously, we both realized what we were doing and had an ironic laugh about it. We were exhibiting exactly the kind of behaviors I was looking to write about—recognizing the need to replace an unproductive habit, like interrupting another person while they’re speaking, with a better one, such as listening deeply.
Changing a habit is not just a matter of naming it or wanting to change. Even when we recognize a certain behavior that no longer serves, it can still be difficult to implement new habits. This is not because we don’t want to change, but because of the fact that the human brain prefers to travel the neural pathways it’s familiar with based on behaviors we've repeated again and again and again.
The good news is that our brains have the capacity to change and form new neural connections. Remember the lesson of neuroplasticity that we talked about in last month’s blog? When we start to integrate even a little bit of a new habit or behavior into our daily routine, over time it will start to feel more natural and ultimately, easier to do.
Such a broad assertion begs some questions: How can we be more intentional about building new habits? Are there strategies that really work? And will the results bear out in the long run?
Let’s break down what a habit is and dive into some easily applicable strategies for not only building new habits, but sustaining them.
What is a habit?
A habit is simply a mental shortcut. They are behaviors that we repeat regularly, and that tend to occur without much mental effort. One of the main benefits of turning something into a habit is that it frees up our mental capacity and allows us to devote our attention toward other things. Thanks to neuroplasticity, by continuing to repeat a behavior over time, we form a habit.
Here’s an example: One of my coaching clients wanted to better manage his stress, feel more at peace and create an intentional time to unplug every day. He felt strongly that he couldn’t create the space within his work day because of his chaotic, unpredictable schedule. We discussed a number of ways to set boundaries, empowering him to take control of his schedule, with mindful intention. And still, he resisted.
Instead, we agreed he could tweak one of his favorite daily habits: his walk to get coffee. Typically that walk was a time for him to be on the phone, either checking in with colleagues or listening to podcasts to “learn.” In other words, he filled that time with “to do’s” that felt relatively light and easy, instead of making space for stillness or a full unplug. He agreed to test a new way of being on his walk to get coffee—in silence, simply feeling his body move, absorbing the sounds of the outdoors, and connecting with sensations.
Over time, something shifted. He felt increasingly good about how creating this space made him feel. Not only did he feel less stressed, but he also felt more content and more clear about what was important. He started looking forward to this time and actually enjoying it. And ultimately, it became a part of his daily routine. Now, he doesn't have to think about it or plan it. He just does it, automatically.
Habit Loops
What my client did, though he didn’t realize it at the time, was initiate a habit loop, which is a way to intentionally build new habits. In his book Atomic Habits, author James Clear divides the process of building a habit into four simple steps: cue, craving, response, and reward.
A cue triggers your brain to initiate a behavior, which in turn is a predictor of a reward. The cue is essentially like dangling a carrot in front of your brain, so, naturally, this leads to a craving. Cravings are the motivational force behind every habit, or our reason to act. And what we’re craving here is not the habit itself but the feeling it creates. The response is how you actually respond to the craving, which can be through thoughts or actions. And ultimately, this response delivers a reward.
Clear states, “Rewards are the end goal of every habit. The cue is about noticing the reward, the craving is about wanting the reward, and the response is about obtaining the reward… Without the first three steps, a behavior will not occur. Without all four, a behavior will not be repeated.”
By tapping into this neurological feedback loop—cue, craving, response, reward—you can work with your brain instead of against it in the process of creating new habits. In my client’s case, the cue was waking up and wanting coffee. The craving was to create space to unplug, access clarity, and feel more content. The response was to take a mindful walk in silence. And the reward was connecting with more insight and mental clarity, while also enjoying a nice cup of joe.
One cue I’ve personally adopted is when I’m in conversation with another person and notice the urge to jump in before they’ve finished speaking. My craving here is to be a better listener and dial up connection. In response, I take an intentional pause and breathe into my belly, which immediately makes my whole body feel lighter and calmer, and helps refocus my attention on the speaker. This allows me to simply notice this very human tendency to interrupt, and instead, participate in engaged, active listening until the other person is finished and it’s my turn to speak. The reward is noticing how this impacts my relationships and heightened connection by allowing each person in a conversation to feel heard.
Habit Stacking
Another way to make integrating a new habit more natural is to do what’s called habit stacking. This involves identifying a habit that’s already a part of your daily routine and stacking a new behavior on top of it. In the first example I shared, my client already had a routine of walking to get coffee every morning, so he turned this into his intentional time to unplug. He recently stacked this habit further by adding a walking meditation to the mix, which helps him get even more out of this time for himself.
Our Inseus SIY participants have shared other examples of habit stacking, as they work to integrate mindfulness into their daily routines. One has turned her daily post-workout steam bath into her meditation time. Another has added a “Moment to Arrive” before any large team meeting—arriving an extra minute early to reflect on how he wants to show up and set that intention before the meeting begins. Another practices a short body scan immediately after she lies down in bed each night—connecting with bodily sensations and then identifying one thing that she is grateful for from her day, before closing her eyes and fading off to sleep.
There are many ways to figure out the best cue that will help you start and maintain a new habit. The key is to experiment and find what works best for you. If you need a little help, we recommend making a list of both the daily habits you already have and the things that happen everyday without fail—like the sun rising, taking a shower, eating meals, the work day ending, or getting into bed at night. You can then use this list to explore potential options for where to layer your new habit into your routine.
Layers of Behavior Change
Another thing that can be helpful to remember when we’re trying to form a new habit or reach a goal is that there are three layers to behavior change. In Atomic Habits, Clear relates them to the layers of an onion.
The first and most obvious later is your outcome, or “what you’ll get.” This level is focused on your desired end goal, such as eating healthier, being kinder, quitting smoking, exercising more, developing a better work-life balance, etc.
The second layer is your process, or “what you’ll do.” This level is all about the actions you’re going to take in support of reaching your desired outcome, such as going to the gym more often, organizing your workspace differently, or starting to use a habit tracking app.
And the third and deepest layer is your identity, or “what you believe.” This level is concerned with expanding your worldview, reevaluating your values, and/or challenging your currently held beliefs about yourself and others.
When it comes to building habits that last, all three levels can be useful in their own way—however, it matters where we start. If we get stuck on the outcome or process level, it can be more challenging to make new habits stick because behind every system of action is a system of values or beliefs. We need to get down to the root and the deeper identity layer to address the underlying beliefs that have contributed to past behavior.
Clear states, “Many people begin the process of changing their habits by focusing on what they want to achieve. This leads us to outcome-based habits. The alternative is to build identity-based habits. With this approach, we start by focusing on who we wish to become.”
It can often be most impactful to work the layers from the inside out, by first asking ourselves: “What kind of person do I want to become?” And then “What kind of actions would that person take on a daily basis?” In this way, every action you take becomes a step towards the type of person you wish to become rather than focused on a singular outcome.
For example, maybe you’re focused on becoming a better leader. In this case, ask yourself, “When I think of good leaders or leaders that inspire me, what attributes or traits come to mind?” Maybe it’s someone who listens deeply and responds with awareness, or connects with people through kindness, or affirms others by inviting them to collaborate, or models wellbeing by making it a priority for themselves, or invests time developing trust on their team. By identifying what attributes you yourself want to model as a leader, you can shift the focus from simply being a better leader, which is outcome-based, to a more specific, identity-based outcome.
Or, for another example, you might say you want to become a more mindful person. That’s an outcome. If you set your goal to become a person who creates intentional space between stimulus and response, and brings awareness to each moment with curiosity and openness, that’s identity based.
My personal experience and the results I’ve seen among participants in our MBSR, Coaching, and SIY Programs have convinced me that experiencing real behavior change and sustaining new habits is possible. All you have to do is practice, practice, practice.
Mindfully yours,
Ashley