A Universal Leadership Lesson: Hustle with Humanity
Today is International Women’s Day, and as their official website states, it’s a “global day celebrating the social, economic, cultural, and political achievements of women” and a “call to action for accelerating women’s equality.” As a woman, spouse, mother, former corporate executive, and now the head of a business that teaches leadership skills and practices, I embrace both the celebration and the call to action.
Given that one of the missions of IWD is to “forge inclusive work cultures where women's careers thrive and their achievements are celebrated,” I decided to focus this month’s blog on women in leadership. And yet, having made that decision, I struggled with what to say.
The obvious solution was to write something about how emotional intelligence and mindfulness, two of the several subjects we teach at Inseus, can help women navigate gender equality, workplace equity, and the myriad other challenges they face in their careers.
For some reason, I hesitated. Perhaps because that angle felt a bit self-serving or perhaps because many experts have previously written extensively on the topic and its many complexities. Instead, I’ve decided to share a personal story about a specific challenge I faced as a woman in business, in the hope that it offers a universal lesson.
This decision was prompted in part by a chat I’d recently had with a trusted colleague about how our leadership development programs dial up necessary, critical human skills. Meanwhile, the reality of business is that organizations are looking to achieve certain performance indicators, delivering revenue, healthy gross margins, and profit. That discussion eventually boiled down to the question: How can the human skills we teach flourish side-by-side with the hustle required to excel in a fast-paced, competitive, corporate environment?
“How indeed!” I thought as I recalled an incident from earlier in my corporate career. At the time, I was on the rise in the pressure-cooker environment of an iconic global fashion enterprise that was in the midst of tremendous growth and change. I had just been promoted to a highly visible vice presidency with global scope, when a very serious situation arose in our family—one that I knew would require a great deal of my energy and time.
I wondered how I would ever be able to meet the elevated expectations that came with my new corporate role and at the same time be present and create space for my family. Even though I was practicing mindfulness and firmly believed in my ability to “have it all,” I still harbored a suspicion that my career trajectory and business results would take a nosedive if I devoted the time and energy that would be required to fulfill my role as mother of an ailing child in need of heightened care.
Then, I did something I’d never done before. I went to my boss and asked for what I needed to manage this acute need at home. The answer I got was both gratifying and enlightening. “Do whatever is required. Your team will step up. We’ve got your back,” he said.
The answer resounded with everything that I’ve come to believe defines true leadership. It was immediate and decisive, while also embodying empathy and compassion.
I accepted the answer at face value. I still hustled to deliver expected results and lead the team, while devoting all the time and attention that was required of me at home. I learned how to become less of a production robot and more of a vulnerable, insightful human being who could show up authentically at work and at home.
The broader, more enduring lesson I learned from this experience became clearer over time. Driven at first to meet a very serious personal challenge, I asked for what I needed when I needed, with amped up awareness of the challenge this would present for the company. I was direct, honest and vulnerable. My boss listened deeply, saw me and heard me. From that experience, I gained more confidence using my voice in all types of situations. And I wondered why it took me so long to do it.
Insight came from something I’ve learned about emotional intelligence. Sometimes we create our own stories around the obstacles we face and in doing so actually amplify the problem. For example, in my case, I could blame my reluctance to ask for what I needed on being new in this role, my own insecurity or perfectionism, or being a woman and having thoughts like “that won't fly, that’s not allowed here, my male boss won't understand.”
I’ve heard other women echo that same self-limiting thought, “I never asked for what I needed, because I didn't know I could.” In my work developing and coaching women and leaders, I acknowledge that there may have been a time in the past when some of those beliefs served us in a particular situation. Now it’s time to let those self-limiting beliefs go, embrace a new way of being and a new way of leading.
We teach a practice (to both women and men) called “Check Your Stories,” developed by the renowned psychotherapist, author, and coach Byron Katie. It involves asking yourself four questions:
What’s my story?
Is that story true? Really?
When I believe that story, how do I think, feel, and behave?
If I didn’t believe that story, how would I think, feel, and behave?
In the personal example I described earlier, my story was “I can't ask for a more flexible work schedule to take care of my family because the company is going through such a disruptive moment and no flexibility is allowed for leaders. My team is already stressed. They can’t take on any more. I have limited options. I’m either “all in” or I need to leave so they can fully replace me.”
Would everyone have agreed that story was true? From the reaction I got from senior management, obviously not. But if I believed that story, my thinking would become smaller, more negative, more black and white, more limiting. I would feel stressed and overwhelmed. I’d become less effective at work, less effective at home, and perhaps make poorer decisions.
Ultimately, I chose to not believe that story. I asked for and got what I needed. I felt supported and empowered. I gave my company’s leadership and my team the opportunity to express compassionate management in real time. I also learned what it means to empower your team. I learned to give others the space to grow and lead. Together, we learned to create safe space, to take risks, collaborate and deliver. It paid off significantly for both the organization and me. I was able to take care of my family in a time of need and invite my team to shine for the company in a time of great change, which incidentally led to promotions for many in the months and years to come, including me.
So, to get back to that question asked earlier. Yes, you can hustle to deliver results and be human at the same time. Some people are great at the hustle but lack the humanity to be great leaders. Then, there are those who have mastered the hustle while cultivating exceptional human skills.
The latter are people who sometimes appear paradoxical. They maintain their equanimity but are excitable. They're both passionate and grounded. They’re thoughtful but can go immediately to the heart of the matter. They’re confident but don’t shy away from being vulnerable. They’re assertive yet compassionate and empathic. They are both self-aware and enterprise oriented. These are the leaders who first come to mind on International Women’s Day—the ones who by example constantly further the cause of equality and equity for all. They’re the leaders I respect most, every day of the year.
Mindfully yours,
Ashley
Looking to empower the female leaders within your organization? Inseus can help through our coaching and leadership development programs! And don’t just take our word for it, hear directly from a repeat Inseus client on the value of our programs:
“Over the past four years, we’ve chosen 30 to 40 women each year and sprinkled “fertilizer” on them to promote growth in wide-ranging areas from negotiation and communication skills to work-life balance, with a different curriculum each year. Ashley, who’s extremely well-qualified because of her P&L experience as a major corporate executive, has been part of our program for these women every year. She’s done a phenomenal job.”