Checking In With Your “Why”
Now that February has arrived, it might be a good idea to take stock of how those 2020 new year’s resolutions are going. If you made one and stuck with it, great. If haven’t kept your resolve so well, what does that really mean?
Personally, I’m not big on making resolutions focused on isolated goals. I do, however, believe in the importance of aiming for a purpose-driven life. Don’t get me wrong—regulating dimensions of your life like exercise, diet, alcohol consumption, or spending can be great, but moderation alone does not get to root of the matter.
For me, it's more about connecting with purpose and heart. Creating the space to recognize what’s really important and connecting to my unique “why” in each moment, helps me to show up authentically, without getting lost in the frenetic pace and distractions of the day.
Perhaps the concept of living with purpose, intention, and connection sounds too abstract or even overwhelming. Take a breath. It’s actually very practical and accessible to all of us, just by creating a momentary pause to ask, “What is my heart saying? Why am I here? What is really important in this moment right now?”
Taking small steps is fine. If you can stay connected to purpose and intention one moment at a time, there’s a cumulative effect. Even if you show up with presence and intention just once a day, you’re making progress. It might not be perfect, but simply noticing and being aware is a start. It’s easier to connect with purpose and to live intentionally when you can really access what nourishes your heart and soul.
Begin here
In my personal life, I practice getting out of my head and getting more connected to my heart using techniques I’ve learned through my immersion in Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction and training in the Search Inside Yourself Program. I also teach these techniques in workshops and coaching sessions to help individuals get out of their heads and more connected to their values and purpose.
As a starting point, I like to engage participants in an “envisioning” exercise—sort of a mindful alternative to new year’s resolutions. It’s a technique I learned several years ago in my very first experience with the Search Inside Yourself program. I’ve used it to great effect ever since. It’s based on the premise that if we can see ourselves doing something and articulate it in writing, we’re more likely to make it happen—much like promising you’re going to do something and keeping your word. Here’s how it works.
Begin by writing your answer to this question: If everything starting today meets or exceeds all my most optimistic expectations, where will my life will be in the next year?
Then, in turn, set down your answers to these questions:
Who am I?
What am I doing?
How do I feel?
How are my relationships?
I always remind my students and clients not to get too caught up in micromanaging the thoughts that come to mind. Instead, take a more free-form approach. Answer with what comes up intuitively and instinctively instead of overthinking it. Stay more closely connected to your heart rather than your head.
While I believe strongly in the power of journaling, I also know that life comes at us at the speed of light. I’ve adapted a couple of micro practices, also based on my Search Inside Yourself training, that you can use in the moment to connect with purpose and heart.
A moment to arrive
The first is called “a moment to arrive.” It takes only a few seconds and helps you make a mindful transition into whatever part of your life you’re about to encounter—attending a critical business meeting, returning home from a trip, or walking into the gym.
Here’s how it works: Pause before you enter, ground your feet on the floor, and take a deep breath. Exhale fully. Notice that you’ve arrived in a certain place and ask yourself, “What is most important in this moment?” Take another inhale, and exhale. Begin whatever you’re there to do re-centered and focused on what’s really most important, showing up with presence and engagement.
A friend recently said, it’s the difference between walking into the gym and ditching your workout because all the equipment is in use or recognizing that your purpose there is to stay healthy and strong rather than to get your turn on the rowing machine.
By giving yourself a moment to arrive, or checking in with your heart, you connect in a way that aligns with your purpose and values. Anytime we can do that, we become more engaged in a state of flow, an optimal state for all of us.
Head, Body, Heart Check-in
The second micro practice I want to share is a “head, heart, body check-in” that takes only a few minutes. Many of us live in our heads. We think we should do XYZ, when XYZ may or may not really connect with what’s truly important in the moment. This micro practice bears some similarity to a couple of the longer guided meditations I’ve recorded, but will help you quickly check in and show up as your most authentic self.
It starts with the breath, moves quickly to the body, and then asks you to connect with what’s most important to you in that very moment. What does your heart say? You’ll find a script below that you can commit to memory and apply on your own. Or to help you really get the hang of it, I’ve also included an audio recording for you to listen to at any time.
Recently, I used this exercise in my first session with an executive coaching client. Afterward, he said, “The first thing that came to mind was my partner and how little I’ve been ‘present’ at home lately.” He also questioned if this was what he should be saying in his first meeting with his new leadership coach at 2:00 pm on a business day.
Of course it was. By knowing what’s really important, you connect with your purpose and align your energy and time with what’s important to you, allowing yourself to show up fully—whether it’s at work or at home—as your most authentic, aware, and effective self.
You can find the audio and script below. If you want to explore in more depth how mindfulness can help you lead a more purpose-driven life, please contact me.
Come to a comfortable seated position.
Take a moment to connect with your breath.
Noticing as you focus on the breath if you can quiet the chatter in your head, for just a moment.
Using the breath as an anchor to turn your attention to.
Notice the full length of your inhale, the pause between the inhale and the exhale, and notice your exhale.
Then taking a moment to see if you can soften the body a little bit more.
Soften across the forehead, soften the edges of your eyes, soften the jaw, release the tongue, even soften the lips.
Notice whether you can relax your hands, your belly, your seat, even your legs just a little bit more.
Then connect for the next couple of breaths with what feels important to you now in this moment. What does your heart speak to you? Can you crystallize that into one or two or three words.
Taking a deep breath and opening your eyes, move forward, centered in the now.
Mindfully yours,
Ashley