A Powerful Shift: This Is Happening For Me…
“You’re in charge of your mind. You can help it grow by using it in the right way.”
Over 30 years ago, American psychologist Carol Dweck began studying human motivation, and she discovered that there are two types of core beliefs people hold about who they are and their abilities. People with a fixed mindset believe that what they’re capable of is inherently stable and unchangeable. Whereas, people with a growth mindset believe they can improve and grow through dedication and effort.
With a fixed mindset, you’re more likely to shy away from challenges and have a hard time dealing with failure and uncertainty. A growth mindset, on the other hand, allows you to view challenges as opportunities for learning and growth, and setbacks as stepping stones, rather than indicators of inherent limitations.
Just like all of you, I've faced a number of challenges and uncertainties throughout my life. And, one of the most powerful ways I’ve been able to embrace a growth mindset is by making a shift from: "This is happening TO me" to "This is happening FOR me” and from “I have to do this” to “I get to do this.”
Of course it’s not always easy. As I’ve talked about on this blog before, our brains are hardwired for negativity, and prefer stability and control. A tangible way to shift the negative cycle of toxic or “why me” thoughts is to shift into: What if this moment is here to help me grow? What can I learn from this experience? How can I change my way of thinking? How can I expand my capacity to be with what is? What does this invite me to do that is different from my usual mode? For me, this shift creates a wake up that usually lands me at: What really matters here?
I'm taken back to a time when we navigated an enormous reduction in the workforce at The Fossil Group as a part of a larger global transformation project. Let's face it, all these words and business strategy talk are one way to tell ourselves that what we’re doing is “right.” Certainly all businesses make adjustments, for a variety of reasons. And yet, letting people go never feels good. It has a dramatic impact on human lives and on the culture at an organization. As the leader of a large global division during this time at Fossil, I was involved in all of it. Before this, my autopilot norm was to default to laying out strategies and being an optimistic champion about where we’re headed as an organization.
And, I found myself shifting to: What really matters here? In these moments where high quality, amazing friends and colleagues who I’ve worked with for many years are finding themselves out of a job, isn’t it about creating space to be… To be real? To deeply connect, deeply listen, and deeply feel with one another? This is a moment where I get to hold space for someone who is shocked, hurt, afraid, and perhaps angry. This is what I get to do. What really matters here is human connection. As uncomfortable and difficult as it is, this moment is inviting me to grow on a human, empathetic level. That edge, that discomfort, that awkwardness is exactly where the growth is. I get to be with all the feelings of hurt, anger, fear and deeply connect.
When I was diagnosed with cancer, this same “get to” shift allowed me to realize: I get to slow down; I get to take care of myself; I get to build my strength; I get to be more mindful about what I'm putting in my body; I get to develop better sleeping habits; I get to put boundaries on how much I let this illness consume me. And, the real silver lining of all: I get to join a kick ass rowing team in Chicago and surround myself with other strong, resilient survivors!
Even as I reflect back on the many years that our daughter has navigated a dangerous chronic disease, the most helpful way for me to manage my stress and be a source of resilience to my family has been to embrace this shift. I get to be present and loving; I get to take care of myself which gives me the energy to take care of others; I get to connect deeply with other families who are walking this path; I get to embrace this moment exactly as it is, with all the uncertainty and fear and expand beyond my edge, to be patient, to accept what is and to love deeply.
So, I'm a huge fan of challenging yourself to make the shift to: This is happening FOR me. I get to… In any given moment, ask yourself in what ways could that be true? This helps me tap into and connect to a mindset and a heart set that is more open, curious, and helpful.
Mindfully yours,
Ashley
“Challenges are what make life interesting and overcoming them is what makes life meaningful.”