Falling Into Forgiveness
Fall is a time of change. The leaves shifting colors and twirling to the ground remind us that change is a constant. Fall invites us to turn inward and shed what may no longer be serving us. To let go of what was and create the space for what is.
And yet, it can feel challenging to accept change—to let go of a need, a want, a hope, or an expectation. Oftentimes when we experience shifts and transitions, we default to unhealthy patterns. We may cling to what we know, judge ourselves and others harshly, or feel impatience towards the situation. We may focus on what we perceive to be missing in our lives or tell ourselves that we’re not strong enough to handle what’s coming our way.
Because of this, I’ve realized that acceptance and forgiveness are integral to dealing with change. It’s important to accept that it’s okay to let go and allow things to be different, and it’s essential to forgive ourselves for our own resistance and the suffering it often causes. Yet, while we are regularly taught the virtue of forgiving others, offering forgiveness and acceptance to ourselves can be a much more daunting challenge.
After my first year of college, I faced a big decision. I spent the year as a Division 1 rower on the Women’s Crew team at my university. I was honored and proud to be a part of this program, one rich with history and prestige, and consequently, a whole lot of pressure. And while my experience that first year invited growth in many ways, by the season’s end, I knew deep down that this path was no longer right for me.
For five years, rowing had shaped and defined my life. And I shocked even myself as I began to seriously explore what it might mean to let go of this sport, in order to broaden my experiences and my community.
As I created more space to reflect, I noticed other thoughts and emotions build up. I felt a sense of guilt that I might be letting down my coaches, my team, and my family. I wondered if my dad would understand why I wanted to leave the #1 team in the country in order to join other social organizations on campus. I was scared my teammates would look down on me and think I wasn't tough enough to survive the brutal schedule, demands, and expectations. I was afraid my former youth rowing club teammates would be disappointed, hoping they would've been able to cheer me on for all four years.
I told myself all these stories, agonizing over the decision, and racking up an immense amount of anxiety, fear, and shame. So I paused. And then, I asked myself the most critical question: "Can I let go and forgive myself?"
The answer was yes. I realized my decision needed to be authentic to me. It's my life, my story, my choice. I was ready to grow into a version of myself I hadn’t fully envisioned, and yet, I knew this new me was simply waiting for permission to be.
Thankfully, I also have a robust support system that helped me through this time. After sharing how I was feeling, my family and friends assured me that I was not a failure—on the contrary, they told me I was brave. And as I stared into the void that was my suddenly unplanned future, instead of fear, I felt courage and strength emerge. The weight that had been lifted off my shoulders made room for excitement, hope, and curiosity to explore a new beginning.
Saying yes to forgiving myself was the key to empowerment—empowerment to take control of my life, to make my own decisions about who I want to be in this world, and to create the space to pursue that vision.
Forgiving yourself, and being graceful and compassionate with your own wants and needs, is essential. But it is easier said than done. That is where mindfulness practice comes in.
We can build our capacity for self-compassion and forgiveness. We can open ourselves up to change and create the space to follow our own path. As we transition fully into fall, use the below meditation to connect with and practice forgiveness. And remember, what we practice grows stronger.
If you’d like to create even more space to explore self-compassion, acceptance, and forgiveness, join us for a One-Day Silent Meditation Retreat on November 12th in Michigan.
Mindfully yours,
Thora
Metta Meditation: Forgiveness
Start by turning your attention inward,
And bringing your full attention to your breathing.
Then turn your attention and your breath to your heart center,
And place a hand over your heart.
Call to mind a time when there was a behavior or an action
where you hurt yourself, disappointed yourself, or put yourself in harm's way.
Imagine that moment in time, fully.
Recall your body, your surroundings, your emotions.
Now repeat the following phrases silently and turn your full attention to these words:
I allow myself to be imperfect.
I allow myself to be a learner in life.
I forgive myself for making a mistake.
If I cannot fully forgive myself right now, I promise to do so in the near future.
To close, bring your attention back to your heart center.
Feel your heart.
Soften the jaws, the eyes, the forehead, the tongue.
Take a deep breath in,
And a deep breath out.