How to be Friends with Yourself
Merriam-Webster defines a friend as “one attached to another by affection or esteem; one that is not hostile; a favored companion.”
And while there’s no denying that external friendships are an important part of life, we often neglect one of our most important friends—ourselves! It’s so natural to seek external validation that we lose sight of how powerful it can be to offer validation and kindness to ourselves.
In moments of stress or anxiety, it’s important to notice if we treat ourselves as an inner enemy or as an inner ally. Using self-compassion practices, we can turn inward, offer support to ourselves, and improve our resilience and well-being. Just as a friend may try to remind us of something positive or make us laugh when things are tough, we can create the space to hold both joyful and difficult experiences at the same time.
For me personally, I sometimes find myself waking up for my morning meditation feeling refreshed and optimistic about the day ahead. But by the time lunch rolls around and I’ve been trying to keep up with my own workload on top of managing my 7-year old’s virtual school routine, I feel frustrated, agitated, and ready for the day to be over. And with all that’s going on in the world right now, I’m sure I’m not alone in this experience.
Moments like this are when it can be powerful to approach yourself as a friend and offer yourself a “compassion break” in 3 simple steps:
Bring a gentle awareness to the fact that you’re feeling heightened and perhaps getting carried away. You can say something like, “This is not fun right now” or “This is hard”
Recognize your common humanity and that moments of suffering are a part of life. You can remind yourself, “I am not alone in feeling this way. Others are in the same boat that I’m in.”
Extend kindness to yourself by asking “How can I be more kind to myself, in this moment?”
Create the space to shift to mindful acceptance and offer yourself compassion, just as you would a friend. Self-compassion allows us to heal and move forward in ways that are truly profound and transformative. I hope you’ll explore this 3-step practice with warmth and curiosity, and please let me know how it goes!
Mindfully yours,
Anuka | Inseus Teacher